Poetry

Yoni Ki Baat 2018

Reclamation

I feel trapped

Collapsed

Likely to over react

So I wrote another poem

Took so long to catch a flow and

I been trying to grow in

Me a seed of resistance

Trying to rebirth myself without assistance

Frustration is over me today I am sober

Textin like "plz cum over"

 

I’m too sad to leave the room

too focused on this bleeding womb

The clots shedding recycle into my esophagus

Choking tears of a nonexistent fetus, I can no longer bottle this

I refuse to produce another apologist

What are u supposed to make

If you made everything you are 'given'

What's safety to a femme who has tunnel vision

What's a sunny day to someone who's bedridden?

Illogical immoral impulsive

Incestual quarrels so repulsive

The necessity to prove

The messy shit you do

As if somehow my nightmares will make sense

As if you can see the scar lines like incense

I want you to believe me when I say I’m more than this

 

How many times do I say my commitment?

*breath*

"I am worthy of love even in illness"

Stumbling and scratching I will always fend

Not plannin to take my life,

Nah you're gunna watch me till the end

Dedication to reclamation

Gettin back what was taken

Hijab of a fool

Removed it in fear

Felt I didn’t deserve to wear

The veil a sacred sign

Of a Muslim whose got the time

 

Should've treated it as a cape

Superpowers to keep me safe

Covering fears not sins

Praying for solace over wins

Healing layer by layer

Hands laced in prostration, secular prayers

 

I said it’s reclamation

It’s my choice of creation

We are all in a mode of survival

Satanic or holy we are all disciples

 

Trying not to self destruct

Broken pieces covered in unmothered rust

 

At the expense of family honor I fight on

Your hands up like ‘ya boiy right on’

Just wish my sister didn’t see it like

I stomped off

 

Tantrum throwing child

bipolar children be so fuckin wild

but the problem is queer AND Muslim

more like fear of listenin

that these tears will glisten

thru contradictory afflictions,

sedimentary restrictions,

forcing you to choose

coercing you to lose either innate quality,

both paths lead to regret synonymously

so I swallow again and again the dryness in mouth

from learning to cringe with the internal doubt,

my sanity lies within knowing,

this world will make room even if it is s l o w l y.

 

I wake up early and mutter,

these few prayers of fajar,

close my eyes and defy the orders of beginning my duties,

lay back in the arms of her beauty;


 

Do you notice in the morning when I trace your light?

-

——

———-

——

-

Shadows of darqness I will love u in your darkest,

and give you my largest,

beating organ that beats with spite,

Because we acknowledge monogamy is just misogyny

if it comes with a contract for basic rights,

 

what you seek, is seekin you

rumi quotes so I know it's true

-

Jaaneman, you got the spiritual trifecta

Loving you is so easy and I just met ya

Divine queerness - queering the divine

-

And we ARE going to be alright

This is a jihad for passion,

one we can hopefully cash in

 

Ain’t a possession thing

Nah this more of a confession thing

 

I want every piece of you

Broken or mended -

i wanna seize your truths

I am not always infatuated

 

My endorphins are on a natural high,

I’m fuckin elevated

My blood  runnin fast, you keep me well circulated

My pulse like a staccato when we touch, why does it skip?

Got me too wet I can’t help but drip

Can’t help but fall to my knees out of respect

Lookin in your eyes I hope I’m being direct

 

I want you I want you I want you

Girl I’m about you about you about you   

 

keeping my heart open for blessings of love  

keepin my body in tact from the repercussions of lust

and I -just want all of the trust

may I ask for your hand in all of the above  

I never - had someone who speaks in waves  

like the curls in your hair or the freckles on your face

Your warmth helped heal all the pain

For this blessing, I’d put aside all the blame

 

Poets artists song enthusiast lovers

We vibe in and out the covers

Subhanallah I prayed for you

Thank the earth I stayed for you...

 

Yeah sometimes I be prayin

That my love stays no matter what I be sayin

 

Runin my mouth like im scholarly

Actin real grown almost fatherly

 

Yeah sometimes I pray

That whatever gender I choose you'll stay

That you'll understand it's not a choice

It's the matter of what voice

It's the matter of discomfort or protection

It's the matter of suppression or resurrection

Because I be prayin that you're still outside

I'm sorry the binary made me late, I really tried

You assure me I look wonderful

I am your favorite boi and your perfect grrl

 

So I sink into my seat with the rhymes still flowin

Reclaiming my existence by writing another poem

 

Saara W. Majid